Random and sometimes a bit crazy but it is what is going on in my head. You will soon figure out that I have too many voices talking at once.
Friday, December 17, 2010
DONE!
You know...I get sick and tired of complaining and burdening others with my problems. I hear and read the same stuff over and over. I know things need to change. Honestly though, I have no hope or desires anymore. I have been miserable for the last several years and it is only getting worse. I have been put on probation for assault, cps taking my children out of my home and I get the pleasure of watching others do for them that I am not allowed to do or can not do. Watching these people help out MY children has built up alot of mixed emotions. On one hand I am grateful but on the other hand, I am bitter and pissed. Then, I get screwed over by more people or so called friends than one person should. I try to stay up beat and positive but I have had it! I AM DONE! I give up completely. I will not attempt suicide again because I do not want to hurt my children. But I refuse to give a fuck or help anyone else the remainder of my life. I just pray to God that I will not wake up one day. Spare me the hell. I can't bare the thought of living another 40+ years like this.
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Well, I have decided to change my ife. THIS IS MY UPDATE!! I am moving on from my separation and now moving in to divorce. I have found someone very special and I adore him. He is kind, loving and understanding. Always backing me up and keeping me strong. Today is a brighter day and I thank GOD for answering my prayers to relieve me of my pain and suffering. I did not want to die but I could not go on as I was. So HE stepped in, built me up, made me strong and showed me how to move forward. I am now seeing a new light at the end of that dark tunnel. It is beautiful and I am so excited that I can now have my happy life back. I am not saying all is perfect. I am battling some huge battles still but I have FAITH in GOD and in myself that I will make it through and have a good future. :)
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