Hard times

I have had the worst year that I have had in over 15 years!  But the biggest struggle was my depression and addiction.  I have been battling them both for many years but this past year has been the topping on the cake.  I have finally come to the point where I am accepting of these issues and will just have to live life miserable for my kids sakes.  I am here for a reason and the only reason I have come up with is for my kids.  I still cant figure out how or really if I care about it, how to get back to good with myself so I will remain in hell.  Istill have a bit of hope so I keep looking for the light at the end of the tunnel.   I really don't want to live another 40+ years like I am living now.